I was drawn to the title of this book; with all of the alarmist parenting tomes out there, it sounded so soothing and sensible. Singer's message is a good one: parent from the middle. Don't hover and overschedule; don't be Amy Poehler in Mean Girls; and you'll be fine. As I read it, though, I realized that it has no bearing on my life whatsoever. The don't-be-a-supermom half of the book is pretty much a lighter take on Judith Warner's Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. I read that while on maternity leave, and it too had nothing to do with me. These books focus on problems of wealthy women. Warner's book describes the highly educated, successful career woman whose family will do just fine on the husband's salary. She feels guilty over working when she doesn't have to, so she stays home, putting all of her drive and desire for recognition into raising her kids. Well, I do need to work (at least, if we want to maintain our current lifestyle of thoughtless Wal-Mart runs and Thai food--which we emphatically do), so I don't have to feel guilty about the fact that, for the most part, I like to work. I will never have to dazzle the soccer moms with my mad parenting skillz, mainly because I gave up overachieving years ago, but also because I just don't have time. I have a job.
Like Perfect Madness, the supermom section of You're a Good Mom is only relevant to wealthy women in wealthy communities. According to Singer, youth sports are being ruined by parents who have their kids on four separate soccer teams, send their kids to special sports camps in the summer, and hire personal trainers and coaches for their kids to keep them ahead of the competition and prep them for the scholarship they'll compete for in twelve years. What, asks Singer, does that mean for a kid who just wants to have fun kicking a ball around? She has a point--that's a bad thing. But is this a problem in your town? I don't think it's a big issue in mine. Her example of sensible parenting is to get her kids five private lessons with a woman whose son swims in national competitions prior to the beginnning of swim-team season. Problem solved! I'm sure that this is totally reasonable in Singer's community, but I'm not stressing about anything like that out here in the land of the solidly middle class. To sum up, I'm in no danger of becoming a supermom.
This is not just because I'm not rich. Even if we were rolling in dough, I'd have no problem reading a book while my daughter does a puzzle or watches "Dora the Explorer." Apparently I am unlike most mothers, because I do not feel that relaxing is a sin. Singer tells mothers that they should be more like fathers, who don't feel that they have to fill every spare second with a chore. She recounts a situation in which her husband, having a few minutes to spare before he has to leave for work, flips through a magazine instead of finding a job to do. She's stunned, but I'm not--why on earth would I fill ten precious minutes of free time with crumb-wiping or dishwasher-emptying when I can relax with a delightful magazine? (Note: I love magazines.)
The slacker-mom section of the book was equally irrelevant to me. Anyone with little enough common sense to wear trampy t-shirts and show horror movies to toddlers isn't going to be reading a book anyway. I did have one problem with this section, though: Singer seems kind of homophobic. According to a chart, the "Cool but still in charge mom" takes the kids to see High School Musical. The slacker mom takes them to see Rent, which is all about--turn your eyes away, Junior--gays!!! Heaven forfend! There are reasons you might not want a sixth grader to see Rent, but I don't think that the fact that some characters are gay is one of them. Similarly, she complains about a teacher showing Brokeback Mountain to a class. Yes, that is one major lapse in judgment, but it's because of the sexual content, not the homosexual content. From the way Singer phrases her complaint, it's clear that the gay stuff ooks her out. I wouldn't let a child watch Brokeback, either, but I wouldn't let her watch any movie with explicit content. Gay people live in the world; it's silly to pretend they don't and that gayness is some evil thing we must protect the little innocents from. Remember, Homophobic Mom and Dad: your little darling might grow up to be one of them.
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