The Suckies (because they can't all be winners)

Reading is an experience, and not all experiences are good ones. Hence, The Suckies:

Dumbest Character :
Isabel Bookbinder, The Glamourous (Double) Life of Isabel Bookbinder. This book is purportedly chick lit, though it was more like chick sh*t. Chick-lit heroines are supposed to be funny and relatable: am I supposed to be able to relate to an idiot like Isabel? If so, I'm offended on behalf of myself and womankind. There's flawed, as chick-lit heroines always are, and there's so stupid that you think that Balkan means someone is from a place called Balka. Stupid, stupid Isabel believes that the key duties of a novelist are wearing cashmere track-suits and gazing out the window. She proves herself too dumb to live on multiple occasions, and yet the book implies that I am supposed to be pulling for her. I think not. Isabel is a pathetic rip-off the inimitable Bridget Jones, and for that, she is my Dummy of the Year.

Most Loathsome Protagonist

• Hate. Hate. HATE!!! Damn Leo from damn Random Acts of Heroic Love. Worst. Character. Ever. Loathsome like nobody's business. I can't even get into the specifics of it again, so please click the link if you need a reminder of how awful this douchebag is: http://readblogadmire.blogspot.com/2009/02/random-acts-continued.html

Book You Should Use if You Run Out of Toilet Paper

• The Journal of Mortifying Moments, by Robyn Harding. Pointless, just pointless. If you read one crappy, bland, paint-by-numbers piece of chick-lit trash this year, don't make it this one.

The Great, Now I'm Bored and Depressed Award

• Precious, by Sandra Novack: Bleak, bland, blah.
  
  Least Worthy Nonfiction Book of the Year
• You're a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren't So Bad, Either): 14 Secrets to Finding Happiness between Super Mom and Slacker Mom, by Jennifer Singer: A book full of stuff I either already knew or don't care about. Thanks.
  
  Worst Reading Experience of the Year

It's a three-way tie! The Glamourous (Double) Life of Isabel Bookbinder made me roll my eyes until I think I pulled something; The Journal of Mortifying Moments made me wonder why I ever learned to read; and the Leo-centric half of effing Random Acts of Heroic Love made me want to rip out each page and paper-cut myself to death. It may be lonely at the top, but there's loads of company at the bottom. Congratulations--you suck!